Unless you are using the “new math” that’s promoted these days, one plus one equals two. But when it comes a marriage, the traditional math does not work. Back in Genesis when God ordained the union between a male and female, the formula He gave was: one plus one equals ONE. Understanding this foundational concept about marriage is key to happiness, peace and harmony with your spouse.
In counseling with married couples – no matter the specific problem they may express – many times the fundamental problem is a misappropriation of Genesis 2:24. One spouse (or both) have not completely left their parents and/or they have not truly become one as a couple. This one-ness is to extend beyond just the physical union that occurs within the context of marriage. This implies unity in all aspects of who we are and how we conduct ourselves. Yet, this is usually not the case and often results in two people living separate lives, feeling trapped or controlled by their spouse, or drifting apart to the place where talks of divorce begin to creep into their relationship. These consequences can be avoided when you begin to view your marriage as an ongoing process of becoming ONE.
ONE in Finances – Probably the biggest reason cited for marriage problems relates to money. How and when money should be spent or saved can become a real point of dissension. To avoid the difficult discussions of budgeting and making agreements about finances, many households have separate bank accounts. With many dual-income households, it becomes natural to view “his” money and “her” money as separate things. How can two people truly be one in their marriage when they are each living in their own economy?
ONE in Goals – Goals, dreams, and visions for the future are what couples talk about during the dating phase. It is the sharing of these dreams that bonds them together. Couples need to revisit these goals and continue to develop and reshape them throughout the course of their marriage. Having a common vision for the future will keep them united as one.
ONE in Decisions – Life is full of difficult decisions. There are many paths that life can take. Relationships with others often require a lot of wisdom to navigate. So many problems occur in marriages when each spouse makes decisions without care or consultation with their partner. Men need the input and assistance from their wives. God created them as helpmeets for a reason – because men need someone to fill in the areas where they are flawed. Likewise, wives need to submit to their husbands as the final authority who is accountable to God for decisions that are made in the home. These gender roles only function in harmony with each other when we take time to consult our partner and be unified in our decision making.
ONE in Worship – Last but not least, both spouses should be united in worship. They should agree on where they go to church and attend there faithfully. They should find ways to get involved and serve the Lord together there. So often we see Christian couples who are not united in this area.
Some see marriage as a one-time commitment or contract – a ceremony that was conducted and a paper that declares both partners “married”. But when the couple says “I do” at the altar they aren’t automatically on the same page about everything. Unity takes time, effort and humility from both parties. Take the time to analyze and discuss the relationship you have with your spouse. Where are you at odds with each other? Where do you not see eye to eye? Where is there dysfunction and lack of unity? Answering these questions will put you on a path to what God intended your marriage to be - the lifelong opportunity for two lives to become ONE.