Love is in the air this time of year. Red heart-shaped boxes filled with chocolate line the shelves of stores. Flower growers have timed their roses to be in full bloom. Those little candy heart abound with trite sayings of yearning affection on them. Ask most people to define love and you will generally receive an answer describing an emotional bond, a romantic high, an affectionate feeling or a close intimacy with another person. The special valentine holiday is filled with romantic poems, gift-giving, and chocolate-covered strawberries in order to heighten these feelings of love. Yet, we often get the definition of love wrong. There are a lot of common misconceptions that cause us to chase something that is fleeting and fades over time.
The Bible tells us that “God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him” (1 John 4:16). Therefore, ALL of our basis for love is found in God himself and how He has chosen to demonstrate it to us. With that in mind, let’s take a few minutes to talk over the truth about love and dispel some of the common misconceptions:
Misconception #1 - Love is a feeling. While love wouldn’t truly be love without its strong emotional component, that is not all it is. Emotions are reactions either to our circumstances or our state of mind. They can be very powerful. We use the term “in love” to describe the powerful emotional influence that love has over us at a given time. The problem is that we also fall “out of love” when the emotions move on. Love is something greater and deeper than an emotion that we can gain or lose. For love to be true, it must be more than a feeling – because feelings change.
Misconception #2 - Love is blind. This means that people do not see faults in the people they love. While this is probably true during the romantic courtship stage of a relationship, the blinders are eventually removed. Anyone who has been married for any length of time can confirm that they see (and sometimes dwell upon and nag about) the many faults of their spouse. In contrast, the love we see in Scripture is a love based on God himself. He sees ALL of our faults (even the ones we don’t know we have) and loves us IN SPITE OF them. It is not that God’s love excuses or condones our sinful behavior. He sent His Son to die for the sins of those He loves (Romans 5:8) and He chastens us for our sins after we have come to Him (Hebrews 12:6). But he never stops loving us even at our worst point of regression, our greatest place of backsliding or deepest failure in sin.
Misconception #3 - Love is a choice. This one probably gets closest to the truth, but even this phrase falls short of describing the truth about love. It is true that we must choose to love. We make the decision whether or not to love someone. However, for it to exhibit true love, this choice can not be based merely on preference or desire. No, our choice must become a commitment for it to express true love. Without commitment, we are free to choose to love today and choose something else for tomorrow. Too many in our society choose to disregard their commitment to love when their preferences change. Yet, we are assured of God’s commitment to love us at all times and in any circumstance. As Paul wrote, “I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39).
Let’s remember that God has something to say about love. He came up with the concept. He wants us to enjoy the emotional side of love, but He wants us to know that it is more than just a feeling. Love should be expressed despite the faults of others and should involve a commitment to keep loving even if when it is not our first choice. And remember - You can’t experience or express true love without God showing you how. After all, it was He who “first loved us” (1 John 4:19).