This week marks my first wedding. No, it’s not that I’ve had a second wedding. My wife and I said “I do” twenty-five years ago and have kept on “doing” ever since. This week marks the first time that I will be leading a couple through those same wedding vows in a ceremony where I am officiating as Pastor. Only this is an extra-special occasion because I am conducting a wedding for my own daughter and her husband-to-be. People tend to think that on top of the regular weekly preaching that Pastors do, that their other main function is to conduct weddings and funerals. Well, after a number of years in the ministry, I can honestly tell you there are a lot more funerals than weddings. Maybe it is because less people grow up in church, maybe it is because there are more weddings being done as simple legal proceedings, or maybe it is because many have just chosen to live together without following God’s design for the marriage relationship. In any case, I’d like to take this occasion to reflect on the state of marriage in our society and on the many hard realities about the marriage relationship that even many Christians have chosen to ignore.

First, marriage is designed to be between one man and one woman. Genesis 2:24 is the prime instance, Jesus repeated the same Matthew 19:4-5, and many other passages support this point as well. And, just to be clear for those that desire to bend the scientific and Biblical truth about gender these days, we are referring to a man and a woman as God created them at birth – a designation that we can never change regardless of the amount of surgeries or hormones that one may utilized to try to change their gender. God has designed a man to take a woman as his only wife and, no matter what our society may permit, there will never be an allowance in God’s plan for marriage to be between multiple partners or to be with a spouse of the same sex.

Second, marriage is designed to be a life-long commitment. Marriage vows often contain this phrase: “until death do us part”. Most people recognize this saying and probably said them at their wedding. However, many in our society have not followed through with this commitment. The hard, cold fact is that divorce is rampant and has become commonplace in our culture. Yet the Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:39 that “the wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will.” This same principle applies to the husband as well. While the Bible does seem to give some allowance for separation or divorce in certain circumstances, it does not provide an allowance for a divorced person to marry another until their spouse has died. (By the way, I recognize that this may be a cause of concern for you if you have gone through this and are now remarried. If this is you, please know that God can still be honored and can bless you in your new marriage if you seek Him first! If you haven’t yet entered into another marriage after your divorce, I urge you to re-examine this and other scriptures first!)

I know these words aren’t easy for everyone to hear. Nearly everyone in our society has either directly or indirectly been affected and hurt by broken marriages. We like to cling to this ideal that marriage is a consummation of a couple’s love for each other. It is supposed to be a wonderful celebration of that love. And, while love is certainly one of the key drivers that brings two people together (and should be celebrated), it does not trump everything else. Our society views love as a feeling or emotional response – something you can “fall into” and “fall out of”. Isn’t it good to know that the love of God isn’t like this? When the Bible tells us “God so loved the world” it is a truth and commitment that will never change. True love is a commitment. It is a commitment to follow God’s design about marriage. It is a commitment before your spouse to keep going – even if the going gets tough. You may (like many others) be struggling in your marriage right now with these commitments. You may be tempted to hit the “done” button and take societies well-planned and well-reasoned escape plan for your marriage. Don’t do it. Be committed to making your first wedding … your last!